Mal's Ma. Express your head canon here.

continuing from another thread...

Mal's mom. I think she's pretty awesome. I actually think of her as someone like Clara from Lonesome Dove. Strong, independent, takes care of her family. I imagine her as faded pretty, laughs easily... I mean she brought her boy up right. Wasn't her fault the purplebellies left him a broken man.

What are your thoughts?

I kinda think Mal was a little screwed up even before he went off to war. Telling jokes and cracking wise while bombs are dropping? He wasn't quite to the point where he was gleefully killing Alliance people - well, duck hunting, okay, but the praying for their souls thing kind of balanced that out - but he was also getting WAY too much enjoyment out of the fighting, like it was a big adventure and he could have fun with it.

I think that maybe some people he knew died before he joined up, and while he wasn't the type of person to hate anyone for that, it led to an almost cavalier attitude about killing the Alliance right back.

But more than that - Mal tends to express himself emotionally through touch, but he's also kind of an aloof person who doesn't really touch or express warmth and vulnerability a lot. And some times, I see almost a little bit of self-loathing in him. That suggests a mother and upbringing that weren't very affectionate.

I wonder how much military training Mal had. Minimal, I expect. Could be he acted the way he did in the war scenes shown because of that. I watched some programmes on the BBC recently about the training of soldiers here - and wow, they really do prepare them in a scientific way.

So I don't take much about his mother from the war scenes. I agree with Byte, that what was awry was awry before the war. People go through things as bad as Serenity Valley all the time - I mean, right now, in countless places all over the world. Your resilience to those things has got to be put down to your upbringing. And we see people with more resilience than Mal all the time. And by resilience, I mean the extent to which they can maintain the integrity of their personalities. I see Mal as someone whose personality is fractured, at times broken down, due to it not having been built up strongly enough, or even undermined, when he was young.


But to play devil's advocate to my own argument, what values do we see in Mal that may have been inculcated in him by his mother?

PS Thanks Charlie for creating the thread!

What follows is strictly "head cannon," without support.

Mal's mother is a hothouse flower that was transplanted to the wilderness, and lived too long. She withered a bit, dulled and faded, yet proved as tough as anything that grew naturally in the wilderness. She was still obviously a hothouse flower that had no business putting roots down in the wilderness.

She succeeded at ranching, which hothouse life had not prepared her for, in part due to her brutal thrift. Her thrift extended to her words. She wasn't merely the kind of woman that hard a hard time saying "I love you" (though such things simply weren't said back in the hothouse), but the kind that didn't say goodbye at the end of phone conversations or verbally acknowledge old friends when she met them in the street.

She was not a demonstrably affectionate woman. She reminded herself, nightly, to tuck her son in. The reminder was necessary because the gesture did not come naturally to her, and she did not want to hurt her son. She recognized something needy in him that she vaguely remembered from her own childhood. And so she tucked him in, and willed herself to hug the boy (hugging wasn't the sort of thing a lady does). She made allowances due to her reduced station in life, and the hungry, lonely look on her boy's face. She loved her son very much, and took for granted that he understood that.

Mal's ma came to Shadow from a Core world, against the wishes of her family, who were middle-class aspiring to be upper class. She trained as a teacher, and signed up for the equivalent of "Teach for America" or teaching in the underserved inner city -- except it was teaching out on the Rim. Her family was appalled and tried to talk her out of it. They had grander plans for their daughter and thought she ought to be working back in the Core, for her own sake as well as theirs. She was stubborn enough, independent enough, and idealistic enough ("making a difference") to follow through on the plan without their direct support. Seeing how determined she was, her family finally grudgingly went along with her plan, with a complete lack of enthusiasm. They sent frequent messages worrying about how she was surviving in that Third World savage wilderness, and offered to pay her way back home, if she gave up the Rim-world teaching project. She loved Shadow, and Shadow culture, right from the beginning. She met and married a Shadow man, Mal's father. At this point, her family was beside themselves, because not only was she staying out there on the Rim, she also gave up her teaching profession in order to put her efforts and talents into running the Reynolds ranch. Despite their disapproval, they didn't completely cut ties. When Mal's father died when Mal was very young, his Ma's family offered to take her in, and tried to persuade her to return to the Core. She wouldn't leave Shadow, and wouldn't leave the ranch. After this point, there was very little, if any, contact with the family back in the Core. Mal's ma still had some friends in the Core, including a school friend of hers who became a chef, and used Shadow-sourced organic beef from the Reynolds ranch for his fine-dining restaurant on Londinium, before the War broke out. Other than that, Mal's Ma maintained very little contact with the Core.

What Mal gets from this: following your own path, being very pig-headed about it, and not letting someone else tell you what your dreams are supposed to be.

She made allowances due to her reduced station in life, and the hungry, lonely look on her boy's face. She loved her son very much, and took for granted that he understood that.

Oh mi gosh this, so much this.

Although in mine Mal was also partially unreachable because first he had psychological trauma, then because she had another kid that distracted her. By the time she was able to pay attention to him again, damage done, he was an aloof ten year old who bonded more with the ranch hands and neither of them really knew how to be affectionate towards each other anymore.

But basically this.

mr. levine wrote:She did not want to hurt her son. She recognized something needy in him that she vaguely remembered from her own childhood. And so she tucked him in, and willed herself to hug the boy (hugging wasn't the sort of thing a lady does). She made allowances due to her reduced station in life, and the hungry, lonely look on her boy's face. She loved her son very much, and took for granted that he understood that.

I find it impossible to see Mal as someone who wasn't loved; but also as someone for whom that love was problematic.

Bytemite wrote: he had psychological trauma

Can we have the headcanon on this please?

ebfiddler987 wrote:What Mal gets from this: following your own path, being very pig-headed about it, and not letting someone else tell you what your dreams are supposed to be.

That's pretty convincing. But for me there's some angst missing from this scenario. His relationship with his mother was his primary relationship, and the angst that's in him had to come from that (headcanon, obv).

I think it's difficult to separate out exactly what aspects of Mal's personality predate the war and what are a result of it. But there's things we see in the war and after with how he behaves and how he interacts with people that we can extrapolate to before the war, and possibly to his upbringing.

For one, he doesn't take hardship seriously. That could be an act for his soldiers - suggests emotional constipation, an unwillingness to display vulnerability - could be a reaction or coping mechanism to hard times during the war or before it. Or both.

He is a massive martyr, both during the war and after. He takes everything onto himself, and blames himself if it goes wrong. After the war, he even starts to skirt the line into recklessness and maybe even self-loathing. This could develop either through active effort - a very judgmental mother - or passively, if he was made to feel inadequate or that something was wrong with him and never really given reassurance otherwise. Or something he viewed as a significant failure, never dealt with, or again, reassured about.

With an absentee father and presumably coming from a very religious community, this doesn't have to be entirely his mother's fault, but it would also seem that his mother did not mitigate any of this, and might have contributed and have been very religious herself.

And again with the emotional constipation, Mal thinks of expressing affection more in the terms of things he does for someone, as opposed to overtly through communication or touch. He hugs Kaylee once in a very understated way, a moment of celebration that he doesn't seem very aware of, and apart from that I can't remember him really being all that affectionate or reacting to displays of affection much.That tendency would definitely be something that comes from upbringing.

He's not cold, he can actually be very warm at times, and he's very sincere when he has something to smile about, and can sometimes act like a proud father towards his crew. But that's actually about as far as it seems to go. He's very inhibited.

Becky Mears wrote:
That's pretty convincing. But for me there's some angst missing from this scenario. His relationship with his mother was his primary relationship, and the angst that's in him had to come from that (headcanon, obv).

You're quite right, angst is an important component of Mal's backstory. In my headcanon backstory for Mal, the angst doesn't derive directly from his relationship with his mother, but from other sources. I'm keeping mum about them because they're very spoiler-ish for my fic. (I find Mr Levine's scenario quite intriguing and convincing -- but my backstory for Mal's ma leans more in Charlie's direction.)

I get the impression his dad wasn't much in the picture. Died, left, or absconded.

The way I see Mal is, (headcanon of course) is sometimes he got away with mischief things, and others his Ma smacked his face and his ego a good one and reminded him
that people of quality didn't do things like that. That honor is worth more than pain. He might even have been a little afraid of her. She probably wasn't afraid to back whatever she believed up with any means necessary--in good and bad ways. I don't think they had a terrible relationship, just one that never was very close. His Ma probably felt very isolated, whatever her background.

The humor, the easy way with strangers...I think that was learned from someone else/life experience. An idolized hand, maybe? I'm not saying his mother didn't (at some point) have it, it's likely she did, but the difference is he may not have learned it from her. In fact, I think he learned very little from her directly, and mostly obliquely from watching her. Mal watches, until he jumps in. And then it's all up in the air what happens.

Again, big on the actions-mean-love, not the verbal or physical. If you grow up in a place where physical affection (touch, hugs, back pats) and verbal affection (I love yous and all similar comments) are not natural actions, you wonder how to use them. They seem a little extraneous.

He has a lot of bravery, and is aware of it. Not sure how much courage he has, or is aware of.

I lean towards the "awry was awry" interpretation, because of the resilience point already made. Not sure what yet. When Mal snaps he snaps though. That kind of pattern is a personality thing...he deals with scary or unpleasant situations with humor. He deals with situations that hit his resentment or injustice buttons very poorly.

She probably wasn't afraid to back whatever she believed up with any means necessary--in good and bad ways.

Hmm, I don't know. I think Mal started to do that only AFTER the war, when he decided that playing nice and by the rules got you nowhere. Although even THEN he didn't join the dust devils like Zoe did and become a terrorist, so that's not completely gone.

I don't think they had a terrible relationship, just one that never was very close. His Ma probably felt very isolated, whatever her background.

I think this is very likely. And I think that apart from the ranch hands Mal might've felt a little bit isolated too. He doesn't ever really seem to seek out people for help with his problems, both war time and after.

he deals with scary or unpleasant situations with humor. He deals with situations that hit his resentment or injustice buttons very poorly.

Yes.

anothersky wrote:I get the impression his dad wasn't much in the picture. Died, left, or absconded.

The way I see Mal is, (headcanon of course) is sometimes he got away with mischief things, and others his Ma smacked his face and his ego a good one and reminded him
that people of quality didn't do things like that. That honor is worth more than pain. He might even have been a little afraid of her. She probably wasn't afraid to back whatever she believed up with any means necessary--in good and bad ways. I don't think they had a terrible relationship, just one that never was very close. His Ma probably felt very isolated, whatever her background.

The humor, the easy way with strangers...I think that was learned from someone else/life experience. An idolized hand, maybe? I'm not saying his mother didn't (at some point) have it, it's likely she did, but the difference is he may not have learned it from her. In fact, I think he learned very little from her directly, and mostly obliquely from watching her. Mal watches, until he jumps in. And then it's all up in the air what happens.

Again, big on the actions-mean-love, not the verbal or physical. If you grow up in a place where physical affection (touch, hugs, back pats) and verbal affection (I love yous and all similar comments) are not natural actions, you wonder how to use them. They seem a little extraneous.

He has a lot of bravery, and is aware of it. Not sure how much courage he has, or is aware of.

I lean towards the "awry was awry" interpretation, because of the resilience point already made. Not sure what yet. When Mal snaps he snaps though. That kind of pattern is a personality thing...he deals with scary or unpleasant situations with humor. He deals with situations that hit his resentment or injustice buttons very poorly.

I completely agree with all of this! It's fantastically summed up.


In my head canon, Mal's ma was most definitely not from the Core. I see her as a person very closely rooted to her land, very emotionally isolated and perhaps herself a child of a lonely or even vaguely traumatic background. Someone who had to be tough because it was necessary and didn't necessarily benefit from it. In vulnerable moments, Mal may have craved more warmth and tenderness from her (look at him all frozen up and tongue-tied when women shower praise and physical affection on him) but he ultimately idolizes her, too.

This is a new bias, but I recently watched "The Killing" and the main character Sarah Linden struck me as very much what I had in mind for Mal's Ma. Someone who has a lot of love to give but doesn't know how to give it and isn't equipped with normal blueprints. Who would let work be her top priority and impart that lesson on her child: business first, reign in your needs. But also someone with a temper and some stored up anger at the world.

Mal's finer education is, I think, a result of simple access to books. Voracious reader, extremely active imagination, lots of alone time on his hands to immerse himself in a plethora of different worlds and scenarios. I think this informs his penchant for improvising characters on jobs and his general verbal dexterity. It might even inform his idealized romantic side. He can reasonably apply these things but it's not born from thorough experience, only theory, and thus kind of superficial, eclectic and insecure. Even his dancing, wherever that came from, only held up for a little while. A truly formal education, even though his mother, might have left him more interactive and less private about his, say, intellectual habits.

I think Mal's mom might have been from the core, because she taught him core world dance - I think he forgot some of the steps later on which is why he messed up eventually. There's other explanations, like maybe she's trying to raise Mal to be just like his father, and has all these expectations that Mal can't live up to. But the core one is what I kinda think, and that while his mother had some business sense she could apply, most of the details and specifics were managed by the overseer. Though I don't really explore it or go into it.

But also someone with a temper and some stored up anger at the world.

This one's tricky. I like the idea of Mal's Mom being like this, but it's hard to say if Mal acting like this is just his own hardships, or if how he deals with those hardships is something he learned from his mother.

Bytemite wrote:

But also someone with a temper and some stored up anger at the world.

This one's tricky. I like the idea of Mal's Mom being like this, but it's hard to say if Mal acting like this is just his own hardships, or if how he deals with those hardships is something he learned from his mother.

Well, I obviously have no canon or semi-canon basis for this. It's just what viewing the series and Mal suggested to me. I also tend towards the idea that he was who he was before all that trauma, and it informed how he dealt with that, yes.

I do think his mother must have had a harsher edge because of the way Mal treats people who have a gentler, more serene nature. Kaylee comes to mind. Or fake-Saffron. He has a protective streak there, but also something that projects "not equal". He's much more on a level with people who carry something around and carefully measure how they express that, he's quite good at navigating conversations that balance on an edge of anger, where things take place on more than one level - the immediate issue and the underlying ones. He's good at responding to both levels without getting too personal. (With Simon.) Great at avoiding things he can't resolve. (With Inara.) He has no desire to actually poke at the real issue to create a full solution, which seems very much like an ingrained behavior learned early. Baggage is normal to him. In general, people who grow up in a more relaxed, communicative environment might be more inclined to address something that is obviously awry. But that's just my experience.

The short moment he speaks about his mother reflects nothing protective, just pride and respect. If his mother had expressed vulnerability to him, she might not be up on that pedestal, and Mal might be more balanced himself. He's not. He acts like a vault of unaddressed trauma is a mark of strength. Peace is for his flock. And since a single mother in a (I presume) male-dominated environment that relied on independence might have easily seemed vulnerable, and it doesn't seem like she made up for it through serene, confident grace, I think a level of overcompensation in the other direction was probably the case.

I think what specifically tweaks him about Inara is that falls into both categories: Carrying hidden baggage around and trying to address underlying issues when they come up. It makes Mal vulnerable because he cannot just push easy reassurance buttons to deflect intimacy, but she also won't allow an equal openness because of her own habitual walls. "What are you running from?" He actually wants to go there, for once, because she's a puzzling equal, soft and strong at once, and she won't let him. No wonder she drives him crazy.

Ah, okay. That makes a lot of sense.

I almost think that maybe Mal and his mother got a lot of flack from the community of Shadow because she was a single mother, and because since they were well-off they might have been seen as acceptable targets. Maybe none of them knew who his father was, his mother doesn't talk about him, so they assume she was unmarried and in a religious community like Shadow probably was, that would be a difficult stigma to overcome.

I think I've probably said that before. But I also think it might explain why Mal has this weird split reaction to prostitutes and companions - he feels sympathy due to what his mother went through, but he also disapproves and kind of overcompensates that way.

This is all very interesting! I can see where you're getting this...although my headcanon for Mal's ma is quite different. Probably a little closer to Charlie's, who started this thread. It's not quite as dark as you two (Byte and Rouka) are positing, but it does have angst a-plenty, only it's angst derived from different sources. I've been thinking a lot about backstory for Mal's parents lately, because I'm planning to bring it into one of my fics in the future. I might even write up a one-shot or something about Mal's ma, back in the days when she first met his pa. I'm excited about this idea, but first I need to finish my Horse story -- or at least finish the first draft of it.

In this future fic that flashbacks to the Mal parents, will there be obnoxious Mal Londinium RELATIVES? Because I want to meet those people, and then watch Mal slowly get more ashamed and angry every time they open their fool mouths.

I bet those relatives would have all kinds of unflattering biases and ideas about Mal hooking up long term with a companion and that part of the family bloodline being tainted. To them, they'd think it's bad enough that their cousin was raised a hick - and a BROWNCOAT, perish the thought - but a companion with all her fake delusions of standing? Oh dear, oh dear, auntie has grown faint, fetch the smelling salts. They might have a family tree hung up proudly, woven into a tapestry, and then one side of the tapestry has been conveniently ripped off or covered up...

And then imagine Inara, first having to deal with the shock that Mal has rich core-dwelling relatives, and then finding out that they're unbearable snobs, getting more upset too on behalf of Mal and herself.

Yeah, Bytemite, there will be relatives. Exactly to what extent I can't say, as this is just a vague sketchy idea at this point in time. But it fits in nicely with several other plot threads that I've sketched, so I can kind of see a convergence at some point.

Bytemite wrote:I bet those relatives would have all kinds of unflattering biases and ideas about Mal ... it's bad enough that their cousin was raised a hick - and a BROWNCOAT, perish the thought

Yes, indeed-y. Although here's a different take on it: perhaps the fact that he's with a Companion now might count for something in their eyes. ("...you've somewhat redeemed your own and your mother's errors, and we'll welcome you back to the family fold, due to your association with a woman of character, a person of true respectability...blah blah blah") Can just see steam coming out of Mal's ears.

Hmm. In the RPG, it's suggested that the upper crust considers companions acceptable escorts to events, but that a companion as a wife would never work for various reasons and that a person who marries one would be the object of jokes and nasty comments.

But, everyone has their own headcanon.

However, it would be amusing as well if before the family knows Mal is hooked up with a companion, they already have an arranged marriage in mind for him...

Bytemite wrote:In the RPG, it's suggested that the upper crust considers companions acceptable escorts to events, but that a companion as a wife would never work for various reasons and that a person who marries one would be the object of jokes and nasty comments.

Well, I'm going to respectfully disagree with the RPG's take on this...for reasons that I will explain in a new thread I'm starting on Companioning.

That's fine. I'll look for it.

>_>

Arranged marriage though. It can be awkward, and the blushing bride to be can be spoiled and disinterested!